Any words of wisdom for the talk tomorrow? Oh come.A- at least. This crap has been swimming around for TWO FUCKING YEARS. I told her how emasculated and embarrassed I felt. Best of luck. Do not just shrug it off if you stay. My fears were confirmed she'd been talking to him for a good while. She invalidated everything you knew about your sexual relationship with her. Being a bi women in a straight committed relationship, I can connect with you in some sense because I do hear "you can't be bi, you're married to a man" or I had previous partners that were horribly insecure about my sexuality. Very few people know so I was instantly fucking pissed because if they knew, its cause my wife told them. I could not imagine this type of betrayal and I hope you can find peace. You need a therapist to help you process what you're feeling, you need to process that in your time and she needs to fucking wait for you to do it if she really cares about you. Letting your orientation slip to her friends is one thing, if she was drunk and it was an accident that's understandable, but it wasn't an accident to make fun of you behind your back to her homophobe friends. Its not an easy solution. This was betrayal. What else is she keeping from OP? Now this doesnt mean shes a 100% shit person. Id give yourself more time before going home and talking. I found out that Im extremely affects by stress, including fight at home. I was so suprised how she talked about me to her friends and family..and when I confronted her I had the evidence. Shes not doing bi stuff with you in bed, she was initiating sexual acts that exist in all relationships, not bi-dating-straight. Made her feel embarrassed and she knows that she fucked up. What girl no own ya sh*t. I would be scared to death to share those acts with her again. This seems to be an unpopular opinion, but I kind of agree with you. First up outing someone is never good an apology can be made for that but not the making you less than convo you heard. When you have a PARTNER that partner should be in your corner 100% of the time. OK she was drunk and your sexuality came out in a stupid moment. If, she cannot part with them, I would part with her. Whenever theyre in bed together, the thought of her thinking of other man will show up in his head. She sounded way too comfortable with what she was saying (based on OP's description. The two judgmental homophobic friends have got to go. Just here to let you know bi guys are preferable. So no being friends with intolerant halfwits, and no more alcohol. She said that was why she made the comment about thinking about Tom during some things we do sexually because she felt they were judging her for being with me. All of us are who we are meant to be, at this particular time in our life. I think forcing her to go no contact with certain friends is crossing a line in a relationship that can never be repaired. Your wives friends are just horrible little Voltures and spineless cowards, definitely go have that drink with your friend and have some time to just calm down and have a break from this shit show. Names have been changed. I totally dont get why she would lie and say he begged for the gay stuff if she was wanting it. She outed you. Tell her that not another drop of alcohol is going to pass her lips from now on, it obviously addles her common sense. I just chain smoked and clinched the steering wheel so hard I thought I was gonna break it. My mom was told me drunk words are sober thoughts. She kept her bad friends 4. She has been entertaining this for two years because she can't control her mouth when she's drinking. We may discuss, ask for suggestions, etc., but we don't laugh about one of us outing someone (not that we'd care) and trashing their sex life. She said she thought about him and thinks they were young and made stupid mistakes. You never speak about your wife in that manner so why do you have to put up with it. Back then I hadnt realize I was bi because I was a teen, and scared of being rejected by my family, but I knew I felt certain attraction towards girls. It's going to suck, but it's always worth it to try and move on. I was going to say something identical. No shit. Life is great and were very blessed. Also sound out the wives who weren't judgemental and ask their opinions. You and your wife decided to marry each other. Now you know you have to be careful near her, from now on dont expose yourself that much. When the bi thing slipped, she should have told you. Your marriage is between the two of you. I told her I cant believe shed ever say something like that or not tell me how she felt.she continued to swear she was just being stupid and didnt mean or feel anything she said. Maybe you should ask him if that not problem why he upset. Take a few days away from everything. How long have you been the butt of their homophobic jokes? When she closes her eyes shes thinking of other men, one of those other men is probably Tom. Also, she doesn't like your sex life. Its just another role, like being the dutiful daughter or the waste of space ex or the everyone loves me co-worker. Especially since it contradicted her actions so much. Personal details should remain private. Sounds like there needs to be an understanding formed between you guys and what is appropriate conversation with friends. For years. They didnt hear me come into the kitchen. I doubt your own friends would even care, they might tease you a little but thats what friends do. He said if i wanna get together for a drink or whatever to let him know. If she cant trust herself to keep her mouth shut around her friends when drunk, then she shouldnt drink around her friends. Well he's not open about being bi so I'm pretty sure he does care about it. Don't ruin your relationship because of this. I would be so freaking upset & sad. You pave the way for us, and I appreciate you tons. I mean if she can demean you in front of her friends there is absolutely no issue putting her in her place in front of them as well. Too many people on this app will read this and tell she can never be trusted again and you need to divorce. She betrayed your trust, and she makes fun of your sexuality to her friends? Does it not show a serious weakness in character that she bull shitted like that? I only started being a little open about it when I moved 3 states away from them and was dating a supportive partner. She should genuinely make amends for it and admit to your so called friends her hand in the situation! Second, sure you might forgive her over time, but do not rush it. People can be so two-faced with that kind of thing. I started putting a voice recorder in my wife's car after u caught her cheating. Good luck bro! She not only outed him, but this obviously wasn't the first time they've discussed this. You deserve so much better than this. My worst mistake was not breaking up right away. Who cares. ", I doubt he cares about that, its mostly that his wife was saying all of those things behind his back but she acts like she likes it to him. Whoa. 1.) Even if it is a stay vacation somewhere near your home. She told her friends some of your kinks gross her out, and then told them she fantasizes about her ex-boyfriend while you fuck her. she also choose to make fun of you to her friends instead of standing up for you. Do not just nod your head and move on, demand that you be treated with respect and acknowledged as the great husband you are, not just some bi/gay sexually promiscuous dude who treats her nicer than Tom.. My step-dad said, "I feel like I always have to watch what I have to say, and I shouldn't have to worry about . In our response, lies our growth and our freedom. I mean i think you can talk it out?? Your life, you know the relationship better than us, but this is plenty to break a marriage. I think you did the right thing by leaving that night, although blowing up the party that was might not have been the best idea. Judging from what is written it seems that shes as much into it as he is, she needs to be real about that. Nothing really, it's all been said, nothing can change it. That means she's been laughing about their sex life for a couple years, after outing him and then hiding it from him. Your wife needs some new friends. That's something only he would and has already been judged for. Cool off first of all. Stay strong man I can only hope you can move on from this with your confidence restored. Is the point of using your throwaway so she doesnt see your other post history? Thats something she and you will have to work on because she shouldnt be embarrassed of it, but at the same time I kind of understand how she can buckle under the pressure of her friends opinions. You were a running joke in your wife's friend group for two years. I am so sorry. I could only imagine how crap you feel right now. But please know this, todays generation can say theyre in the exact same boat as you and face no issues from same aged folks. She blamed drinking for outing you in the beginning and now shes blaming it again in this situation. Dude that story is messed up. If a few drops of the ocean are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty. There are hundreds of roles people play all the time. The sheer betrayal of trust is breathtakingly awful. People do stupid shit. There are plenty things I could talk about my girlfriend and make fun of her for it to my mates, but I dont because what happens between us stays between us. So our RC is this weekend and I overheard my wife talking on the phone with a friend about it. When my husband and I had been together for maybe a year, I went to my mom exactly once for advice. We must feel sadness and despair to know joy, as frustrating as that might seem. Maybe you could come around trusting her, but i wouldn't trust her friends. She needs to take responsibility for it and how it made you feel. Id almost go with divorce but with the kids, I sincerely hope counseling is able to help. Finding this out, I personally dont know if I could get past it. Whats going to happen if your kids turn out to be not straight or not Cis? Truly when you come to the realisation your partner has such a low view , I sympathise a lot with you dude. she outed you, made cruel jokes about your guys sex life, and didnt shut down her friends for being homophobic/biphobic. Very much agree with this person right here. So does she. People are too quick to run away from a marriage and give up when issues come up. Ive never felt this upset. Take the space you need & honor your feelings. My suggestion? Shes married to a bi man, and her idiot friends shouldnt have the power to make her feel bad about it. Ebony milf with big tits, shaking young boy's cock in rough modes 06:00. Or no, either way it was gross as fuck. How would she feel if she overheard this? Right? Kids do the joking crap and make fun of boyfriends, not decent women. You and your sexuality are valid and you deserve to be treated as such. I think that is a much worse betrayal, to laugh at him behind his back with these people he thinks are friends. The Geni has escaped from the bottle, as there's no chance of putting it back in, you need to deal with the humiliation that you feel in how it was told. Dont slide back to her. Let's give your wife the benefit of the doubt for a moment. If it was an accident, she should have come clean when it happened. I am a closeted bi woman. If thats true then she needs to work on her confidence to be herself around her friends and nit be pressured to say things to sound cool. Throwaway cause I know one of her friends is an avid reddit user and knows my main account. Don't go broadcasting it. Personally, I would consider this along the same lines of cheating in my relationship, because it's a complete breach of trust and security you're supposed to have with your partner. The fact that her mindset even thinks doing things like anal play are bi tells me she probably has some internalized homophobia she needs to deal with. I guess the guy was too close or something because my wife again told him that he was drunk and should go back to the group. At 31 years old! He heard her, not us) about visualizing other men. She immediately started apologizing and saying she loves me and it was drunk girl talk and she didnt mean anything. Id be worried he was sleeping with his friends and Id be scared of what he asked me to do in the bedroom they all giggled.i was FLOORED. If you are honest, people may cheat you. Why would she tell them you enjoy costumes? Tom hasn't been relevant for seven years. My dad was bisexual and if I heard my mother saying shit like that about him Id be livid. But I don't know that it's unforgivable. It sucks. That is something you tell your partner immediately after it happens (same with exposing your sexuality to her friends). Your partner in crime fucked up. Emasculated. She failed at the number one attribute an SO needs to be, your SO's most ardent defender. Slipping up and sharing something very private about your husband is betrayal enough. My wife and I always have a number one rule at the foundation of our relationship: never say a bad word about each other to anyone else. One of the guys who was there called me and I answered. The good you do today maybe forgotten tomorrow. And can think clearly. If you can't own up to what you're doing in the bedroom, you aren't mature enough to be doing it. These ones sound terrible. And her dissing your sexual needs to her friends and I truly understand that it was very hurtful and disrespectful to you and your marriage. Yes, I do think you need to talk to her about it - it's not something that's going to go away. Why would she tell them that you enjoy pegging? Would she still have the friends over knowing how they feel? It very much is and if you let them gaslight you and suppress how you actually feel, you will feel a huge burden and trust issues for the rest of your life. Going forward, she needs to seriously consider what she says to her "friends" if she cannot say them infront of you openly. Think about you right now, and what you want. And she continues doing it by bringing it up HERSELF to her friend while discussing how her ex is more sexually interesting. If my wife did this, I doubt I'd ever care to be into intimate with her again. At the end of the day hets are gonna het, I'm really sorry man. Would she throw them under the bus too or try to forbid them from coming out? That was 100% a choice on her part. How do you hang out with that friend group now knowing all their extra bullshit? Just talk. So my wife and one of her girlfriends were having a few glasses of wine, and while I was in my office I overheard a very awkward part of their conversation The other woman was complaining about her husband, quite openly, and specifically about the size of his penis. Bruuh this is too much for me I'm 52 yrs old, veteran, communications workers close to company retirement, whatever you do just enjoy life. I wouldn't be able to think of anything else when having sex with her after hearing her criticize me. Therefore I would talk to her about her views on it and, if necessary, go to couples therapy on this. There's a lot that isn't adding up about her explanation to you. I will always defend my guy. Itll be hurtful to both of you for a long time and you probably both need therapy but if you truly do love each other, itll be worth it. Shows you don't accept their judgemental BS. I would be trembling with furious anger and wouldn't be able to face her with the same amount of trust for a long, long while after this incident. Mahatma Gandhi When I was married my ex-wife I had a problem with erectile distinction for a few months, due to massive stress at work. Remind her of this without judging. And the fact that you're now married and settled down with a woman means you probably have a preference for women overman anyways it's 2021 dude closet doesn't have a lot of people left in it and, needing it to still feel manly is the ultimate problem here. I am so pissed off on OP's behalf. Chin up man. I think the problem here is not your wife not loving you or your sex life -- it sounds like she loves you very much and enjoys y'all's sex life. She said she really felt bad when she realized she outed you, but I mean how sorry is she really if here she is bringing it up AGAIN? The big question is are you still in love with your wife and enjoy having a family with her? People won't forget about it. Your wife is a pretty disgusting person. The friends that she's now claiming are judgemental need to be cut off. She tells my wife that Tom is still handsome as ever (this doesnt bother me, I feel im just as good looking) and they all give a little chuckle before my wife says something that floored me.Tom had reached out to her right before we got married and wanted her to get back together with him. Doesn't matter if she means it or not. I agree, marriage counseling ASAP. He is my best friend, and I would never make fun of him behind his back like that. Go out and do things during those days, don't wallow. I agree with the counseling. Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your marriage. Yet, evrything else you've said indicates that she does value you: this relationship was not strained up until this point, and nobody (apart from some really messed up people) can "play pretend" for so long. A Young Boy Hires Prostitute For One Hour 42:46. She knows shes an ass, and her friends know their actions were trash. Repeat offenders shouldnt get second chances and neither should first time ones. So she's been hiding this for a couple years instead of letting him in on all the jokes behind his back. Not to mention she outed him and didn't even come clean and let him know, instead allowed the jokes to flow for a couple years - that's pretty unforgivable. She said 'girls talk' and she has to have someone to talk to about stuff. Wife talks shit to friends to be funny/gossip/have fun, and does not honor the trust that was placed in her. Frankly I would be more able to forgive infidelity than I would these kind of conversations. Im so sorry, my jaw hit the floor reading this. I don't know that I could ever trust and be vulnerable with her again. Dont just move on forget, learn from it. And sometimes we have to forgive stupid people because we love them anyway. Your sexuality isn't really fodder to take the piss out of. She swears she does love our sex life and the things we do and is sorry. Also, if shes lying to you about this, I feel absolutely certain that are other things you dont know. Tell her to flip the genders and make it you and the "boys" doing "locker room talk" about her and all the things she likes in the bedroom. Because I think going three-for-three on instances of convenient bullshit is, well, bullshit. Decide what you need to keep the relation ship going. It sounds more like it's a matter of comfort and trust. Talk it out and see if she can commit to working on this need to put on appearances. 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